


White Confession

by xseobins



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Boys In Love, Christmas, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, I'm Bad At Tagging, M/M, Mutual Pining, Not Beta Read, Secret Santa, Time Skips, mentions of social drinking?, the pandemic never happened
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-01
Updated: 2021-01-01
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:08:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28193736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xseobins/pseuds/xseobins
Summary: When he finally opens the folded paper, he’s careful to hide the name from prying eyes. Changbin. Seungmin smiles softly - he’s gonna have so much fun finding a gift for him.(Seungmin gets his long-time crush in his friend group’s annual Secret Santa gift exchange, and he lets his best friend convince him to confess.)
Relationships: Han Jisung | Han/Lee Minho | Lee Know, Kim Seungmin/Seo Changbin
Comments: 6
Kudos: 126
Collections: STAY CAROLS 2020





	White Confession

**Author's Note:**

> Written for prompt #014 of Stay Carols 2020 
> 
> I hope I did the prompt some justice, please let me know what you think! <3

_ November 28th, 2020  _ **_-_ ** _ 07:02 pm _ ****

**_Lix (＾▽＾):_ ** i’m leaving my room now

**_Lix (＾▽＾):_ ** be right there ^^

_ 07:05 pm _

**_You:_ ** I’m ready ~

**_You:_ ** Just waiting for Sung

Seungmin looks out the window of his dorm room. The trees from the nearby park are almost done shedding their leaves; after all, fall is almost over, and the days are growing colder and colder as December approaches.

He turns back towards Jisung, his roommate, who is frantically rummaging through his closet in search of who knows what. 

"Are you ready yet?", Seungmin asks, slightly annoyed at how long the other is taking. They're supposed to meet up with Felix in ten minutes, and his roommate hasn't even fixed up his hair.

"Relax, Min, I'm almost done", Jisung replies. They both know he isn't. Seungmin should probably be used to this by now, after being friends with the other for half of his life and even sharing a dorm for more than a year now. Still, he is  _ not  _ used to it, and Jisung’s habit of always being late keeps annoying him to no end.

"Why did you even bother dressing up?" Seungmin says, exasperated. It's not like they're going anywhere special, anyway, just their friends' apartment for their weekly movie-slash-game night. Jisung ignores him, though, and moves to the bathroom to  _ finally _ style his hair.

Felix is waiting for them on the sidewalk when the two roommates make their way downstairs. He lives in a different dorm building, one a bit closer to the main campus library, but he usually ends up walking with them to their friends’ apartment off-campus. 

Chan, Minho and Changbin had decided to rent out an apartment of their own at the beginning of the semester, all too tired of the student dorms after living in them for the better part of three years. It was a nice place, barely a fifteen-minute walk away from campus, and their entire friend group had immediately taken to spending at least one night a week over, just relaxing while playing games or watching movies. 

The trio was a new-ish addition to Seungmin’s friend group: they were all one year above him, currently in their senior year of college, and Seungmin had met them when he was still a freshman, only a few months into his own college experience. Jisung and Felix, on the other hand, had come into Seungmin’s life sometime during their high school years, along with Hyunjin and Jeongin, who they would also be meeting tonight. 

The way to the older boys’ apartment has become familiar by now, and Seungmin doesn’t even realize that he has lost himself in thought, letting his feet guide him in the right direction, until Felix and Jisung stop in front of the door of the apartment building.

He is particularly excited about tonight. Having movie nights with his friends has become a common occurrence, but this one is special: they’re going to be drawing names for their annual secret Santa gift exchange, and he honestly can’t wait to see who he’s going to be getting a present for. It’s become a sort of tradition in their friend group - though it started out as them being young and too broke to buy gifts for all their friends. Not that the situation has changed much over the past few years, but the yearly tradition has now grown to include their new friends as well.

Someone buzzes them into the building and the three boys make their way up the stairs to the first floor, Jisung and Felix laughing at some joke Seungmin must have missed. As soon as they get to the door, Jisung leans half his weight against the door and starts frantically knocking, and he does not stop until the door swings open to reveal Changbin. 

A smile lights up the older boy’s features as soon as he sees them, though it soon drops into an offended frown when Jisung barely glances at him before walking into the apartment, probably going to find his boyfriend. Changbin turns back towards them and steps to the side so Seungmin and Felix can more easily get through the door. As they walk past him, Changbin greets both of them in a soft voice, patting Felix on the back before pulling Seungmin in for a quick hug. Seungmin squeezes him right back, slightly melting into the other’s warmth after having to walk in the cold weather. He soon steps back, walking further into the apartment to say hi to his other friends, but the weight of Changbin’s hand remains as a steadying presence on his back. 

Soon enough, the doorbell rings again and it’s only minutes before Hyunjin and Jeongin come bursting through the apartment’s door, hands full of snacks. They usually took turns buying food, though Chan always insisted it wasn’t necessary, and it was theirs this week.

-

The living room is buzzing with soft conversations, the boys catching up and talking about their weeks. Seungmin isn’t really listening though, simply basking in the calming atmosphere that surrounds him. There’s already a Christmas tree in the corner of the room, decorated with baubles of all shapes and colors and pretty lights. Seungmin knows Minho likes to go all out when it comes to holiday decorating, so he has no doubt that this is just the beginning of what the older boy has planned - after all, it is still the end of November. 

These are his favorite kinds of nights, just hanging around with the others, maybe having a drink or two. It’s almost incredible just how healing it is for him to relax with the people he’s come to think of as family. And sure, Seungmin can be found somewhere in this apartment at least three times a week, usually spread out on the couch along with Changbin, but it’s different when it’s all of them. It brings a beautifully warm feeling to Seungmin’s chest, looking at all his friends happy and smiling.

Seungmin is shaken out of his reverie when Minho suddenly claps his hands together, getting up from his spot on the couch and grabbing a blindingly sparkling Santa hat from the coffee table. Right, the reason they're all gathered tonight: the random draw. 

Seungmin is excited to see who’s name he’s going to pick out of the hat, but he isn’t really hoping for anyone in particular. It would be nice to pick someone other than Chan, he thinks, but that’s just because he already got him last year, and he wants to get a present for someone new. Seungmin loves buying gifts for the people he cares for, but he always makes the secret Santa present a little more special. 

Jisung is already reaching into the hat, making a show out of opening the small slip of paper in his hand and widening his eyes in surprise. He looks at Seungmin and wiggles his eyebrows, but knowing his best friend Seungmin is sure that he didn’t even pick his name. 

As Hyunjin goes to pull a name for himself, Seungmin glances around the circle that has formed in the middle of the living room. His gaze lingers on Changbin, whose eyes are scrunched up in laughter at their friends’ dramatics. His laugh sounds familiar and comforting, and Seungmin can’t help but let out a little chuckle of his own at the sound. 

One by one they all draw a name out of the hat, and soon it is Seungmin’s turn. He is second to last, and as he goes to check the little piece of paper in his hand he sees Minho reach into the hat to get the last one. 

When he finally opens the folded paper, he’s careful to hide the name from prying eyes. Changbin. Seungmin smiles softly - he’s gonna have so much fun finding a gift for him. His mind is already swirling with a hundred different ideas: things he could buy for the other, things he could maybe make himself. He’s going to have to think about it more though, flesh these ideas out further, because he wants this gift to be  _ perfect _ . Changbin deserves that and more.

The rest of the night goes on as usual: they talk, they play games, they're loud and maybe just a little bit past tipsy. Seungmin's thankful that the neighbors don't seem to mind their chaos - otherwise, the group of boys would have definitely gotten a noise complaint by now. Either that or the walls to the apartment are surprisingly thick and sound-proofing, for a place three college students can afford with their not-so-great income.

Still, despite the noisiness and apparent chaos, Seungmin feels calmer in these moments than he would almost anywhere else. 

-

The next morning, Seungmin wakes up quite early despite having come back home way past midnight. He momentarily hates the piercing sound of his alarm coming from his nightstand, but he still throws his covers off himself and gets up, albeit reluctantly. The sun is shining through the blinds, and Seungmin stands in the middle of the room, basking in it for a second, before he heads to the bathroom to change and get ready.

It’s a Sunday, which means that in about half an hour Changbin is going to come pick him up, and they’re going to head to one of their favorite coffee places to get some breakfast. It’s become a constant in Seungmin’s life over the last year or so, having breakfast with Changbin on Sundays - Seungmin isn’t too sure how or why it started, but he enjoys it immensely so you won’t ever catch him complaining. 

Seungmin is just about done getting ready when his phone pings with a notification. He checks it as he hurries towards the door, knowing it’s probably Changbin saying he’s arrived, and smiles when he sees the texts.

_ November 29th, 2020 - 10:05 am _

**_Changbin_ ** **♡:** Seungminnieee

**_Changbin_ ** **♡:** i’m heree ~

_ 10:06 am _

**_You:_ ** almost there!

Soon enough he’s getting out of Changbin’s car and heading into the café, greeted by cute Christmas decorations that must have been set up after the last time they came here.

“Wanna go set our stuff down at a table? I’ll order”, Changbin asks him. Seungmin answers with a smile and a quick nod, before heading to their usual table, which is luckily unoccupied. It’s all part of the routine - when they first started going out for breakfast together, Seungmin would always try to convince Changbin to let him pay, but after two months of failed attempts he resigned himself to just pay for the other’s food whenever they hang out elsewhere. 

The café isn’t too busy, so Seungmin barely has the time to sit down and take out his phone before Changbin comes over to their table, a tray with their coffees and two slices of cake balanced on one hand. 

"So…", Changbin starts as he sits down in front of him, " who'd you get for secret Santa?"

Seungmin lets out a huff of laughter, "I knew you were gonna ask me that- I'm not telling you". 

"Aw come on", Changbin drags the last word out in a whine, pouting at Seungmin for maximum effect, "I'll tell you who I picked".

" Mmh…", he pretends to think for a second, eyebrows pinched in an over-exaggerated expression and finger tapping on his bottom lip. "I think I'll pass, thank you", he says, which prompts Changbin to start complaining at him again. Seungmin can’t stop the laugh that bubbles out of his chest; he always finds himself endlessly endeared by the other’s antics, even those that some other people might think of as childish. That really couldn’t be further from the truth. Sure, Changbin likes to act cute when he is around people he feels comfortable with, but he is also one of the most mature and caring people Seungmin has had the chance to meet. He is giving, and loving, and so incredibly considerate of everyone around him, that Seungmin can’t help the feelings that swell up in his chest whenever he looks at him, his eyes sparkling as he laughs.

Seungmin has never considered himself a romantic person, he doesn’t believe in soulmates, doesn’t like watching romantic movies, or reading romance novels… still, when he is around Changbin, as cliché and cringe-y as he realizes that it sounds, his heart feels full. Seungmin feels safe, at home. And sure, he doesn’t think any of those feelings are reciprocated, but he is completely fine with that. Or at least he  _ tells  _ himself that he is. 

-

Later that same day, Seungmin is laying on his bed, chatting with Jisung as they wait for their pizzas to be delivered. 

He ended up telling his roommate about having to find a gift for Changbin. Yes, he knows it’s against the rules, but Jisung is persistent, okay? Plus, Seungmin can definitely use some advice. He spent most of the day trying to think of the perfect gift, something special and personal enough, but also not  _ too  _ personal to the point where it might lead to uncomfortable conversations. 

“Why are you over-complicating this so much?”, Jisung sounds exasperated at this point, but if he’s being honest, Seungmin really can’t blame him. He knows he’s being irrational, but he can’t help it. 

Jisung continues, “Just because you have a crush on him doesn’t mean it’s any different from getting a gift for any of us.”

“I don’t-” Seungmin starts.

“Don’t even try telling me you don’t have feelings for him”, Jisung is quick to interrupt him, “Would you be freaking out if you had to get  _ me  _ a Christmas present?”

Seungmin has to concede to that. He is usually great at finding the perfect present for everybody, and it isn’t rare for him to randomly buy little things for his friends, just because he thinks they might like them. So why is it so hard this time?

“You know…”, Jisung starts again, this time with what Seungmin would consider an evil glint in his eyes, “you could always write him a love letter or something”. 

Suddenly the pillow Seungmin had been half-laying on seems like a great murder weapon, so he grabs it and launches it towards his friend, fully ready to attack.

“Okay okay I’m sorry,” Jisung raises his hands in defeat, “I’m just teasing you, you know that”.

Seungmin hums, unconvinced, sitting down on Jisung’s bed this time and hugging his pillow to his chest.

“Would it really be so bad to finally confess your feelings though?” Jisung’s voice sounds more serious this time around, and his eyes are searching Seungmin’s, trying to gauge his reaction. All seriousness is gone all too soon though, as he wiggles his eyebrows at Seungmin and says, “Who knows, maybe you could even start the new year with a boyfriend!”

Seungmin sends him a  _ look, _ but as Jisung continues moving his eyebrows and making silly faces while trying to contain his giggles, he ends up laughing too, leaning against his friend. This is one of the reasons he loves Jisung so much, he always understands when Seungmin isn’t ready to have certain conversations, and he  _ always  _ succeeds in making him smile, no matter how worried or upset he was. 

-

Seungmin has had a long week, rushing to meet deadlines and barely having time to have a proper conversation with his friends. It’s finally Thursday though, he didn’t have classes the next morning, and he was more than ready to relax. Thursdays meant lazy nights spent watching movies with Changbin at one of their places, usually the older’s because, well, dorms weren’t made for having people over.    
  


That’s where he finds himself at the moment, sprawled across Changbins bed as he tries to pick a movie for the two of them to watch, waiting for the other to come back with their food. He’s been craving pizza for the past few days, and he can already feel his stomach rumbling and his mouth watering at the thought of  _ finally  _ getting to eat some. 

He finally decides on a Christmas movie they’ve both seen too many times already, and as soon as Changbin is back with their dinner, they settle down next to each other, shoulder to shoulder. 

They eat in silence, except for the occasional silly comment here and there; it’s comfortable, Seungmin would even dare to say that it feels like home. 

Seungmin’s mind keeps drifting back to the conversation he had with Jisung the previous weekend. He knows his roommate was only teasing when he told him to confess, but he can’t help but wonder over what would happen if he actually did. Things would probably get awkward, right? He knows Changbin probably wouldn’t hold it against him, and he wouldn’t make him feel bad about his feelings - the older was too good at heart for any of that - but things would not be the same afterward.

_ He shouldn’t. He  _ really  _ shouldn’t. Changbin doesn’t feel the same way, there is no point in ruining such a great friendship. His feelings will go away at some point. Hopefully. _

Still, he finds himself looking over at Changbin time and time again, at the way the flashing lights from the laptop’s screen bounce off his features, the way his bottom lip is caught between his teeth as he focuses on the action. It’s a habit of his, Seungmin has noticed: whenever he’s trying to keep his attention on something, Changbin constantly nibbles on his lips, or a pen, or whatever he has in his hand at the time. He doesn’t even seem to realize that he’s doing it, but Seungmin thinks it’s cute.

Seungmin tries to keep his continuous glances to the side subtle, but Changbin seems to notice anyway. He turns to him, head tilted to the side and a questioning, worried look in his eyes; Seungmin just shakes his head with a small smile and points back at the screen, not knowing how to explain his wandering eyes to the other. 

There’s a reason Changbin is his best friend though - he knows Seungmin all too well, and he doesn’t take long to notice that the younger boy is more distracted than usual. He also knows that Seungmin doesn’t like talking about the things that worry him, not unless he’s the one to bring them up first, so he doesn’t say anything. 

He doesn’t ask Seungmin if there’s something wrong, doesn’t try to push him into talking, he simply brings his arm up to lay it across Seungmin’s shoulder, pulling him closer to his body and wrapping the blanket that had been covering their legs tighter around both of them. 

Seungmin freezes for a second at the sudden closeness. Physical closeness isn’t uncommon within their friend group, far from it - you can always find Felix holding someone’s hand, or Chan with his arm slung around one of the boys' shoulders. It isn’t even rare to find Seungmin and Changbin hugging or cuddling somewhere; still, Seungmin feels his heart flutter in his chest - maybe because he wasn’t expecting it, maybe because he’s spent the past few days pondering over his feelings for his friends.

He tries not to think about any of that though, focusing on his breathing and the warmth that surrounds him. It doesn’t take long at all for him to relax fully. All of the stress from classes and schoolwork that had accumulated over the past week is gone, as are any worries about his gift for Changbin, or even his possible confession. 

He feels his eyes begin to drift shut, but he doesn’t fight it, letting himself be lulled to sleep by the steady rise and fall of Changbin's body beneath him. 

-

Seungmin spends the next few days scrapping idea after idea for Changbin’s gift. Anything that comes to his mind doesn’t seem good enough, or is way too expensive for a college student’s wallet, or would just be way too complicated to get. He thought he’d finally settled on that one bracelet they saw the last time they went shopping together, but when Seungmin went back to the shop to buy it, it was sold out. Seungmin thought about buying Changbin some books he was pretty sure the other would like, but then he remembered Changbin complaining about how many books he still hasn’t read because of uni, so he decided not to add to that stack. Seungmin is, in all senses, stuck. 

Which is how he finds himself laying on his bed, facing Minho and Jisung on the opposite side of the room and whining about how he  _ just can’t find the right present _ . 

Jisung is utterly unable to keep anything from Minho, so really Seungmin should have expected that the older boy would find out about who he drew for Secret Santa almost as soon as he told his roommate. He doesn’t mind, though, because at least now he can enlist both of their help in finding a proper gift for Changbin.

Or at least, that’s what he was hoping he’d be able to do. In reality, the couple seems hell-bent on getting him to confess. Just like last time, it began with his friends teasing him about how confessing through his gift would be  _ so romantic  _ but he can feel that both of their tones have shifted into something more serious.

Seungmin knows that they’re probably right in saying he has nothing to lose by confessing. Both Minho and Jisung have told him again and again that even if Changbin really doesn’t reciprocate his feelings, which they highly doubt, he cares about their friendship too much to let things get awkward between them. And Seungmin  _ knows  _ they’re right, he knows that Changbin would never make him feel bad about his crush, nor would he string him along in order to spare his feelings. 

It’s still scary, though, the idea of being honest about his feelings for the other after so long. No matter how much his friends reassure him, no matter how they’re “basically dating already”, as Jisung says. Seungmin throws a pillow at him for that, but he doesn’t open his mouth to actively deny it. The way his friend put it… it kind of does sound like they go on dates. 

Minho must see him hesitating, lost in thought, because he moves towards Seungmin’s bed right after his boyfriend finishes talking, and adds: “Seriously Minnie, you guys have weekly breakfast dates.  _ And  _ weekly movie nights. Not even me and Sungie have dates that regularly.”

“They- They’re not dates,” Seungmin says. He doesn’t sound sure even to his own ears. 

Minho’s expression softens, “Hey, i’m not trying to tell you what they are or aren’t, the two of you are the only ones who know that. I can only say that from an outside perspective, the two of you seem a lot closer than  _ just  _ friends.

“And I know Changbin just as much as I know you, Min, maybe even more. I’m not trying to get your hopes up or whatever it is you’re thinking right now, but the way he talks about you - the way he acts around you - compared to how he is with our other friends… I genuinely don’t think your feelings are as one-sided as you think they are”.

Seungmin struggles to string together a coherent thought. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knows what his friend is saying is somewhat true, but Seungmin isn’t ready to see it yet. 

Seungmin looks at Minho with wide eyes as he says, “I- I don’t know what to say to that. I want to believe you but… I really don’t think I see what you see.”

“Look,” Jisung starts, also getting up from his bed and going to sit on Seungmin’s other side, “we’re not trying to pressure you into doing something you’re not comfortable with, we completely understand if you don’t feel ready to confess…”

Seungmin gives him a small smile. He knows that, he knows his friends are only saying this because they think it will help him deal with whatever is going on inside his head.

“But, I do think you should seriously consider it,” Jisung continues, “It’s so liberating, confessing your feelings to someone… Even if nothing comes out of it in the end, I’m pretty sure you’ll feel better if you get everything off your chest.”

“I-” Seungmin isn’t sure what to say to that. He’s pretty sure that’s something he told Jisung himself when he was still pining after Minho. Applying that advice to himself, though… he’s not sure how he feels about that.

“It doesn’t have to be for Secret Santa,” Minho starts talking again, “just, in general… think about it?”

Seungmin is about to answer that yes, he’ll consider it - though he really can’t promise anything - when Minho’s alarm starts loudly going off.

“Fuck, I need to leave for work”, the older boy’s eyes widen, and he scrambles to get up and pick up his things, “I’m gonna be so late, my boss is gonna kill me.” 

Minho miraculously manages to be out of the door in less than five minutes, even though he takes his time to give Jisung a quick goodbye kiss and to throw Seungmin a final “Think about it!” Just like that, Seungmin is left alone with his roommate, the two of them now sitting cross-legged on the bed, facing each other.

Jisung is nibbling on his bottom lip, looking at Seungmin with concern in his eyes.

“Did we just make you uncomfortable?” he asks, “I’m really sorry if we did, you know we’d never do that on purpose we just- we care about you, Min, about both of you, and it’s a bit frustrating seeing the two of you dance around each other like this”

Seungmin shakes his head, “You didn’t make me uncomfortable, don’t worry. I guess I just- 

I have a lot to think about?” 

“I know you do,” Jisung says, “But- try not to miss any chances, alright? I know confessing is scary but… you might regret not doing it later on.”

Seungmin gives his friends a small smile as he nods. The fact that his friends think there’s an actual chance his feelings are reciprocated is making his mind spin, and he knows he’ll need to do some serious thinking later when he’s alone. 

For now, he lets Jisung pull him into a hug. His roommate has always been very touchy-feely, much like everyone else in their friend group is, so it isn’t rare to find the two of them cuddling while watching a movie, or even sleeping in the same bed from time to time. 

Seungmin tries to struggle his way out of Jisung’s grip, but he soon gives up, realizing he’ll only end up exhausting himself, and lets Jisung maneuver them until they’re half-lying on the bed. When Jisung decides that he wants cuddles, he gets cuddles - there’s no stopping him. So, Seungmin simply lets himself enjoy the Jisung’s warmth, even loosely wrapping his arms around the other’s shoulders.

They stay like that for a while, until Jisung deems they’ve been laying down, doing nothing for long enough. He untangles himself and slowly sits back up, sighing. “Min?” 

Seungmin still refuses to open his eyes or get up, and his only response is a low hum - he knows the other is going to continue talking either way. 

“He’s gonna love it, no matter what you end up with.” Jisung says, ruffling his hair, “So stop worrying so much, yeah?”

-

Seungmin does not, in fact, stop worrying. But, he does have what he thinks is a pretty good idea. 

At about 2 am last night he resigned himself to searching for ideas online, and in between lists and lists of potential gifts, he finally found something that seemed  _ right _ . 

After clicking on a link to an Etsy shop for artisanally carved wooden objects of all kinds, what caught his eye was a medium-sized jewelry box, with the prettiest abstract pattern carved on its surface. He decided to buy it as soon as he saw it: it’s exactly the kind of thing Changbin is going to like, and Seungmin  _ knows  _ his friend doesn’t have one already.

After all, he has been nagging the older boy to put an order to his mess of a jewelry drawer for god knows how long. Changbin has a lot of jewelry: necklaces, bracelets, and dangly earrings of all kinds. Seungmin would probably be quite envious of his collection if it didn’t sit all tangled up in a drawer of his desk most of the time. 

Seungmin made sure to check that the shop would be able to ship the box in time for the gift exchange, which is quickly approaching. Luckily, it should be delivered within a week or so. 

So, with the jewelry box safely purchased, Seungmin finally went to sleep - his mind not all over the place for the first time in a while. 

This morning, after thinking about it some more, he has come to the conclusion that he shouldn’t just give it to Changbin with nothing inside… no, he’s going to print out pictures of the two of them, of their friends, stolen shots from their everyday lives and precious memories from their vacations and outings, both just with the two of them and as a group. And underneath it all, at the bottom of the box, a letter. 

He’s not sure when he convinced himself that he is going to confess, but he is. He’s going to confess his feelings to Changbin. And he’s going to do it via hand-written letter, because he knows himself, and he knows he’d never be able to actually  _ tell  _ him how he feels. No, a letter is the safest choice - he can give it to Changbin along with his gift and tell him not to read it until he’s alone. Is it a cowardly move? Probably, but it’s also the only move he thinks he’s capable of making right now, so it will have to do. 

Now, the problem is… he has to write the letter. See, Kim Seungmin has never, in his entire life, written anything similar to a love letter - or a letter, in general, after he stopped writing to his pen pal from middle school. 

That’s why Seungmin is currently surrounded by little balls of paper, unable to properly put his feelings into words. He doesn’t even know how to start this, everything he writes down sounds so cheesy and just… not right. He’s starting to think he should have written the letter out on his laptop first, and then copied it - this is turning out to be an enormous waste of paper.

Seungmin runs his hand through his hair before ripping out the page he was writing on and throwing it carelessly somewhere on his desk. He picks up his pen again, staring at the blank page for a while before starting to write.

_ Dear Changbin, _

_ I’m writing _

No- that doesn’t sound like him at all...

_ Binnie, _

_ I remember when we met for the first time _

Not that, either - it sounds so clichéd, what was he thinking?

_ Changbin, _

_ I’ve been thinking a lot over the past few weeks - about school, about the future, about you. _

He stares at the page in front of him for a few seconds, reading that one simple sentence over and over. He nods to himself - now  _ that  _ is something he thinks he can work with…

In the end it takes Seungmin almost an entire afternoon, but he manages to write something that he thinks properly represents his feelings for Changbin. He gave up on any unnecessary frills and embellishments after the sixth wasted sheet of paper, instead settling on just writing down his thoughts, what he feels. It ended up being rambly and probably incoherent, and he certainly isn’t going to win any prizes for his poetic skills, but Seungmin thinks it gets his feelings across - honestly, it would have been much, much worse if he had tried to actually  _ say  _ any of the things he wrote  _ out loud,  _ so Seungmin considers himself happy with the final product. 

-

The day of the gift exchange comes quickly after that. The three roommates had fun adding even more decorations to their house, and the living room was now sparkling with Christmas lights and tinsel. Everyone’s gifts were piled up on the coffee table in the middle of the room as they had dinner, chattering excitedly about their plans for the holidays.

As soon as they were done eating, they gathered around the gifts. This year, they decided to go in age order, so Chan was the first one to receive his gift. Felix handed him a rectangular box wrapped in pretty silver paper, an oversized red ribbon resting precariously on top of it. Inside, Chan found a big knitted jumper - black, of course, because everyone knows all too well that is pretty much the only “color” their friend wears. 

He let out an excited gasp as he opened the present, but Seungmin wasn’t able to pay attention to his reaction. The only thing he could focus on at that moment was the fast pace of his heart as he waited for his turn -  _ how would Changbin react? Would he even like the gift? Maybe Seungmin should have stuck with something more simple… _

__

“Seungmin?” the indistinct buzzing of his friends around him was interrupted by someone calling his name, “You there?”

“Yeah, sorry,” he said, shaking his head a bit to focus back on his surroundings, “Just got a bit distracted.” He hears a huff of repressed laughter from somewhere on his right side.

“I can see that,” Hyunjin gives him a knowing look, “It’s your turn.”  _ Oh _ . 

Seungmin reaches forward to grab his own carefully wrapped present - shiny red paper and a silver ribbon, the same he’s been using for years at this point. 

Changbin eagerly tears through the bright red wrapping paper, letting out an excited gasp when he sees what it was hiding. He runs his fingers over the intricate pattern of the wood, his eyes following his movements.

“Thank you, Min. It’s so pretty,” he says. He then looks up at him, chuckling lightly to himself “You can finally stop nagging at me to organize my necklaces now, uh?” 

Seungmin lets out a little laugh too, and he feels like a weight has been lifted off his chest. Changbin  _ likes  _ it; he made a good choice. “Well, aren’t you going to open it?”

When Changbin sees the pictures inside his eyes soften. He smiles as he goes through them one by one, stopping every once in a while to reminisce about the moment it was taken. 

Just before he can get to the bottom of the box Seungmin speaks up again. “The letter… don’t open it now. Wait until you’re alone” He can feel both Jisung and Minho giving him a knowing look, and when he lifts his gaze to meet Jisung, he thinks the other almost looks proud. 

Later, as Minho hands out mugs of spiked hot chocolate, Chan gives him his present: it’s a square box wrapped in pretty golden paper, and inside it is a pair of noise-canceling headphones. Of course Chan would know exactly what Seungmin needed - he doesn’t even remember mentioning this to the older boy, but his headphones had stopped working recently. Chan has always had a knack for finding actually useful gifts though, so Seungmin shouldn’t be too surprised.

The rest of the night goes by fast - too fast, really, considering what is waiting for Seungmin once they all part ways. He doesn’t regret giving Changbin that letter, he doesn’t, but as he listens to Minho and Hyunjin singing off-tune Christmas carols he can’t quite join in with the others’ laughter. His mind, once again, is stuck on all the possible outcomes of tonight. 

-

It’s only a few hours later that Seungmin can be found laying on his bed back in his dorm room, alone this time. He and Felix both left their friends’ place pretty early, barely past midnight, while Jisung decided to spend the night at Minho’s after the gift exchange. This means that now Seungmin has the entire room to himself - which is good, because at least this way there’s no one to see him panic about whether Changbin has read his letter already or not. 

Thinking back on the hours he spent with his friends brings a smile to his lips. The night went well overall - being with the others has left a warm feeling in his chest that he now finds comfort in, as his mind keeps wandering back to Changbin despite his best efforts to distract himself.

Seungmin feels his phone buzz from where it’s laying on his chest. His hand shakes a little as he goes to grab it, and he takes a second to breathe before he checks the notification.

_ December 20th, 2020 - 01:10 am _

**_Changbin_ ** **♡:** meet me at our usual spot?

**_Changbin_ ** **♡** : please? 

Seungmin’s heart is hammering in his chest as he gets up and rushes down the stairs. He barely takes the time to send Changbin a text saying he’ll  _ be right there _ before he’s putting on his shoes and leaving - it’s not like he needs to ask what spot the other means anyway. There’s a bench in the park near his dorm where Seungmin and Changbin  _ always  _ have lunch together, and he’s completely sure that’s what the older boy meant. 

When Seungmin gets there, Changbin is sitting on the bench, the letter still held tight in one of his hands while the other picks at the skin of his lips. As he hears Seungmin’s steps approaching, Changbin lifts his gaze from the ground and moves to get up. 

He comes to a stop in front of Seungmin, never meeting his eyes - Changbin seems very much focused on the pebbles that litter the ground between their shoes. They stand quietly in the night, both eager to speak and yet neither of them knowing how to start this conversation.

Eventually, it’s Changbin who breaks the silence, steeling himself with a deep breath before softly saying: “Do you mean it? All of it?”

“Changbin… Of course I mean it. All of it. I’ve liked you for so long,” Seungmin says, his voice almost breaking on the last few words.

Changbin’s eyes are shiny with unshed tears, but he is smiling when he finally looks up at him. There’s a hint of incredulity in his next words: “All this time I- I really thought it was just me…”

“Are you saying..?” 

“Yes, Minnie, I… I like you. A lot. I mean at this point I’m pretty sure everyone knows. Except you, apparently”. 

Seungmin closes the distance between them, wrapping Changbin in a hug. “We were being stupid weren’t we?” he whispers. 

Changbin laughs as he takes a small step back to look at Seungmin properly. “Yeah… but at least we’re here now.”

Seungmin lets his arms rest on Changbin’s shoulder, hands joining behind his neck, and he feels Changbin place his hands back around his waist. When they kiss, soft and careful, there are no fireworks exploding in Seungmin’s mind, not in the way teen romance novels make first kisses sound - instead, he’s filled with a sense of complete belonging, and pure happiness. 

When they eventually separate, shy smiles adorning their faces, Changbin lets out a giggle. At Seungmin’s questioning look, he just shakes his head.

“God, we’re never gonna hear the end of it from the others.” 

-

  
  


_ December 20th, 2020 - 11:24 am _

**FAM - (8)**

**_Changbin_** **♡:** So

**_Changbin_ ** **♡:** Seungmin and I should probably tell you we’re together now?

**_You:_ ** ♡

**_Chan:_ ** oh my god

**_Innie_ ** **⊂(･ω･*⊂):** finally!!!!!!!

**_Lix (＾▽＾):_ ** i’m so happy for you guys!!!

**_Minho:_ ** not to be me but

**_Minho:_** I told you so 

**_You:_ ** Thanks Lix <3

**_Jisung_ ** **☆:** wait-

**_Jisung_ ** **☆** **_:_ ** did you actually write him a love letter???

**_You:_ ** ...

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked this! You can find me on Twitter @xseobins ^^


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